


I fucking Miss Sunnyvale.

by kitcat12



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, Trailer Park Boys
Genre: F/M, Family Feels, Feminism, Friendship, Gen, Kitties are so nice, Lahey will be dealing with shit storms., More tags to be added, Non canon pairing, Ricky finds love, Rickyisms, Women Being Awesome, in wich Aragorn gets high
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-18 13:32:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11875551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitcat12/pseuds/kitcat12
Summary: Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles find themselves in Middle earth. Will they be able to find each other and stay alive long enough to nit fuck things up?





	1. I am fucked.

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me while watching trailer park boys, I hope you like it.

Bubbles was lost, and it was all Ricky’s fucking fault. He had told him and Julian that he did not want to go on anymore dope raids, but they did not listen to him, insisting that they needed backup in case things got fucky.  
They don’t give a fack if they go to jail and leave me behind, he thought bitterly as he stomped through the lush green grass. Who will look after my kitties until I get out of this situation?  
Bubbles had agreed to meet them near the woods so they could plan. After ten or fifteen minutes of waiting, he had grown bored and decided to take a walk to stretch his legs. He wouldn’t go far, and they all had walkies so they could communicate.  
After about five minutes of walking, he decided to head back to see if Ricky and Julian had arrived yet.  
He turned in the direction to where he thought the meeting place would be and began to walk. All he could see before him were trees along with the occasional deer.  
Was he going deeper in? He shook his head, the beginnings of panic starting to enter his insides.  
Just keep walking, you will find your way eventually, he thought as he turned to his right, hoping that this would be the way.  
He was so caught up in trying to remember where the meeting spot was that he didn’t notice the rolling hills and green grasses until the soundof a stream reached his ears.  
He stopped to take a drink of water.

“What the fuck?” he yelled, gaping at the rolling hills that stretched for miles. Tears of frustration entered his eyes. Bubbles wiped them away furiously so they wouldn’t fog up his glasses.  
After drinking his fill, he continued to walk on. He had packed some granola bars and fruit, which would last him for a couple of days, so he didn’t have to worry about that for now. The silence was rather unnerving as it pressed in all around him. Not a car or truck was to be heard which scared Bubbles most of all. Not even the occasional shot from the gun of a hunter.  
He strained to see if there were any electric lights to indicate a city, but there were none to be found.

‘Ricky, Julian, where the fuck are you?” he yelled. He continued to call their names as he began to run, panic was gripping him completely now. He was so focused on looking for his buddies that he didn’t notice the sword pointing at him until its owner spoke.

“Who are you, and what brings you to the land of Rohan? Why are you so foolish to shout? Do you wish to bring orcs down on us? May haps you could be in league with Sauron.” Bubble’s mouth went dry as he stared at the line of stern faced men. All with very real armor on and swords as well.  
Bubbles thought of medieval fair actors, but dismissed that thought at once. Would a medieval fair actor have such a cold and menacing look on his face? He looked like he was ready to fuck him up if he didn’t start speaking soon.  
He opened and closed his mouth several times, but no words would come out. His breathing quickened as his chest tightened with panic. Ricky and Julian would know what to do in this situation; they always seemed to know what to do. A choked whimper of fear escaped his lips as the tip of the blade pressed into his neck.

“I suggest you answer my question,” the wheelder of the weapon hissed. “The hour grows late, and we do not have the time to tarry ere long.” What the fuck is going on? Bubbles thought. Why are they speaking like they are from the fucking middle ages?

“I am Bubbles,” he managed to choke out. “Please, I won’t do you any harm; I just want to get back home to my kitties.” The stern faced man gave him a hard look.

“We shall let our king pass judgment on whom you are,” he said, grabbing a piece of rope. “I do not believe your tale that you are lost. I do not like the look of you. You could be playing a lost traveler to gain our trust, by bringing an ambush down on our heads.” He bound Bubble’s wrists together as he spoke.

“Why would I pretend to be lost?” Bubbles snarled as the man grabbed him roughly around the waist to place him on the back of his horse, but Bubbles would have none of that. There was no way he was going to be taken prisoner by this odd group of men. They were probley high as fuck on acid or something. He kicked out hard, trying to knock him off his saddle.

“Cock sucker!” he bellowed over the whinnying of the panicked horse. The tip of the sword was back at Bubble’s neck, pressing hard enough to draw a bit of blood.

“Try that again, and you shall be dead,’ the man hissed.  
This is really fucked, Bubbles thought as he was placed onto the horse. This is all your facking fault Ricky you facking bastard.

“Can you at least tell me your name?’ Bubbles growled. The panic was beginning to leave him, anger quickly filling its place.

“I am Eomer, son of Eomund, third marshal of the Ridamark. Though I presume you know who I am, your master may have informed you before sending you to us.” Bubbles could feel the walkie bumping against his waist as they rode. Ignoring the cock sucker behind him, he quickly pressed the talk button and spoke.

“Ricky, this is Bubbles, I have been fucked. Some freaky men in medieval ware have kidnapped me,” he hissed. Bubbles waited for a few seconds, but the walkie remained silent.

“Who is this Ricky you speak to?” Eomer growled. “Is it another one of your master’s lap dogs?” Bubbles glared at him.

“Why don’t you fuck off?” he growled back, wincing at the tight grip the ropes had on his wrists. He was quite certain he would have rope burn in the morning.

“You are in no position to make any demands,” Eomer growled. “It is luck for you that we are near Edoras, only three miles to ride ere we reach the gates, and then we shall see if your story is true.” Bubbles glared at him, ignoring the endless sight of grass and hills. He was amazed that these people were not sick of looking at the same sight every day. He did his best to tune out the chatter of the men around him with an imaginary game of space with himself and Col Chris Hadfield. This managed to cheer him up a bit as the planes rushed by them. These were some fast horses.  
He couldn’t ignore the thought at the back of his mind that showed him the lack of cars and technology. There wasn’t an electric pole to be seen for miles. No wonder the fucking walkie wasn’t working, it was far from range to pick up any signals.  
He blinked back tears at the realization that he may never see Sunnyvale again. Yes, it was a fucked up place where everyone had their share of problems, but it had been his home sense he was a little fella, Ricky, Julian, and his kitties were the only family he had. The thought of never seeing them again was too terrible to contemplate.  
He hoped that Julian and Ricky were not too worried about him, and that their dope operation was successful. They would probley have to hire Corey and Trevor.  
They would sure fuck things up, that was quite certain.

“Your name is Bubbles is it?” Eomer asked.

“Yes it is, and stop laughing at me, I like my fucking name.” He glared at the snickering men behind him.

“It is an odd name for a man to have,” replied Eomer. Bubbles glared at him.

“That isn’t a very nice thing to say. How would you feel if I said your name was fucked up? Not very well would you? So for the last time, stop making fun of my name.” He wished that Julian was here, he would fuck these men up big time. A lump formed in his throat.  
I shouldn’t have complained about going with them, he said to himself. I don’t give a fuck anymore, I just want them back.  
His mood didn’t improve as they drew towards the golden gates of Edoras. He could see a beautiful castle, or palace in the distance. He would have stopped to admire its beauty, but there was far too much on his mind.

“I am fucked,” he whispered over the clatter of horses hooves on the coble stone. He was aware of Eomer roughly helping him from the horse, and then a stable boy leading him away.

“Come, we shall speak with Théoden our king. He shall pass judgment.” Bubbles tried not to shake as he walked up the golden steps, barely noticing the golden haired woman watching them approach.  
She beckoned them to follow her inside as he attempted to keep his breathing under control.  
I really am fucked now, he thought as he heard the doors banging shut behind him.


	2. “A Free Range Kitty.”

.

Eowyn watched as Eomer lead the prisoner towards the throne. He was a queer looking man with large spectacles’ covering his eyes.  
Fear was written across his face and demeanor. He was clearly trying not to panic. Sympathy rose within her at the sight of him wincing at the ropes that bound his wrists together.

“Can you untie me please?” His voice was slightly hoarse with a crack. He managed to move his bound wrists upwards with a sharp motion, pointing at her brother. Eomer’s hand strayed to his sword, thinking the movement was a threat.

“Not until we find out your motivations in entering our realm,” Eomer replied. “These are dark days.” The man’s face fell at these words.  
Grema Wormtounge glared at the prisoner.

“Speak quickly; we do not have all day. Give us your name.” Eowyn suppressed a shiver at the hated voice as she kept her eyes on the man.

“My name is Bubbles,” he began. “I was helping a couple of friends with some work when I got separated and lost. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I just want to go back home. I have kitties I need to look after; Food Mountain will only last so long.” Eomer shot him a disapproving look at the foul word.

“Not in front of a lady,” it clearly said. Eowyn glared at him. She was not a wilting flower who would shrink; she dealt with far worse things than cursing.

“From wince do you hail?” Eomer inquired, face hard as stone. Bubbles gave him a blank look.

“Where do you come from?” Eomer asked in a slow voice, as if he was dealing with a simpleton. Eowyn and Bubbles glared at him.

“I am not stupid you know,” Bubbles snapped. “I live in Sunnyvale in Novaschosha Canada.” Eowyn looked at him. She had never heard of such a place.

“There is no such place,” Grema snarled. “I believe you are lying to cover up for your master. You shall be placed in prison until you can tell the truth; do you not agree my king?” Théoden nodded slowly which took a great deal of effort.

“I don’t think that is nessicary,” Eowyn called. There was something more to this man’s story, and she wanted to find out what. Strange things were happening.

“Be silent woman, and keep out of things that do not concern you,” Grema spat.

“Hey, don’t you fucking speak to her like that,” Bubbles growled, taking a step towards the man. Eowyn secretly hoped that Bubbles would put an end to the miserable snake, but he grabbed Bubbles hard, and dragged him from the room.

“Fuck off you son of a whore!” Bubbles yelled. Eowyn moved to intervene. She did not trust the snake as far as she could throw him. Eomer put a hand on her shoulder.

“Nay little sister, harm shall come to you if you interfere, let us watch and see what events unfold.” Her brother too looked angry at the harsh treatment that was shown. As far as Eowyn was concerned, Grema could be the son of a wench. “I must leave you little sister and patrol our borders. The white wizard is cunning, and has many spies in his net. Keep an eye out, and stay safe.” Eowyn’s spirits fell.  
She was being left behind once more in her cage, the one place she loathed to be. She nodded curtly, and watched as he left the hall.

Eowyn turned to her ill uncle, and helped him eat the cooling porridge on his breakfast tray.

“Is that not good Uncle?” she whispered. He looked past her as she fed him that horrible blank and sickly pallor on his face. He was much too young to look in such a manner, she thought, fear clinching her insides.  
Grema had a tight hold on her Uncle’s mind, and there was nothing she could do about it, but wait on him. Once he ate as much as he could, she motioned for a servant girl to take the tray away.

“He did not eat much this morning My Lady,” she whispered as she took it.

“No, he did not,” Eowyn agreed. “May haps he shall eat more when the noon meal arrives.” The servant nodded her agreement and scampered away as Wormtounge entered the golden hall.  
She jumped in surprise when a grip hard as iron caught her elbow.

“I do not take pleasure in your interference in matters that do not concern you,” Grema hissed. Eowyn’s skin crawled at the icy tone.

“Get your hands off of my person,’ EOwyn hissed back, struggling from the iron grip on her arm. “You care not for Rohan and her people; your only concern is to control us. Eowyn’s breath was knocked out of her as she was slammed into the cold stone wall.

“You will be mine shieldmaiden,” Grema hissed, pinning her against the wall. Eowyn nearly gagged as his foul lips touched her own.  
She kicked out, but rough fingers seized her around the throat.  
She flailed about, gasping for air as she fought back panic. Bringing up her knee, she rammed it hard into the man’s stomach. He released her in surprise. Eowyn flew down the hall towards the kitchens to grab some food for the prisoner.  
The servants in the large chamber stopped what they were doing as she entered.

“I need food for the prisoner,” Eowyn said as she fought to keep her composure.

“What happened my lady?” Eowyn shook her head at the woman as she was handed a tray of food. Why wouldn’t her hands stop shaking?

“I bid you do not ask me,” Eowyn replied, grabbing the tray in a firm grip. “I advise you all to keep your guards up around Worm tongue like I have told you previously. Come to me if any trouble springs forth.” The women nodded their heads in understanding as they got back to work. Eowyn could hear them whispering to one another as she left the chamber. They deem you weak, a cold voice hissed in her head.  
“They are not wrong either. Eowyn scowled as she walked down the corridor. She was beginning to think the voice was right. She could not help her uncle or protect the servants as well as she wished to.  
Shame flooded her as she felt her neck where she could still see the marks of the snake’s fingers. I cannot even fight him.

“I wish to see the prisoner,” Eowyn said to the guard. The guard gave her a superior glance that had her blood boiling in an instant.

“He is to have no visitors,” he said, gazing down his nose at her like she was a piece of dirt. ‘By orders of Grema Wormtongue.”

“If I may recall, Grema is not our king, Théoden is. I do not take orders from such as he, now let me pass else I break down the door. I have food for him.” The guard glared at her one last time as he unlocked the cell door. Eowyn shivered from the cold draft of air.  
May haps I should have gotten a blanket as well, she thought as she stepped inside?

“Good day Sir,” she greeted him. Bubbles looked up from his lap at her entrance.

“Hello,” he replied quietly. He gave her a look that was half wary, and half fearful. He scooted towards the wall, as if that would be an adequate hiding spot.

‘I shall not harm you,” Eowyn said in her most gentle tone as he shielded his face, body tense as if to prepare himself for a strike.

“Do you promise?” he asked, gazing at her through his fingers.

‘You have my word my Lord,” replied Eowyn, slowly walking towards him with her hands held out in front of her.

“I am not a lord,’ Bubbles replied with a snort. “Far from it.”

“I do not mean to offend you,” replied Eowyn. Bubbles gave her a small smile. “I have the noon meal for you if you so desire it.”

“Thank you, what is your name?” Bubbles reached for the tray as he spoke.

“I am called Eowyn, daughter of Eomund, and niece to his Majesty King Théoden. Bubbles quickly got up to bow, but Eowyn waved her hand.

“Do not bow I beg you,” she said. “The title means naught to me; it has given me naught but a cage. I am but a woman who is to always stay behind whilst the men do great deeds of renown.” Eowyn had no idea why she told him this; his eyes looked so kind and compassionate. They did not stare at her with pity.

“Speak not a word to any of what I have told you,” she said, a harsh note appearing in her tone.

“I won’t,” Bubbles said quietly. “I am sorry Eowyn; I didn’t mean to upset you.” Her eyes softened at the remorse in his eyes.

“There is nothing to forgive; it is I who must ask for your forgiveness, I did not mean to raise my voice at you.” Bubbles gave her a small smile. Eowyn watched as he gazed around the tiny cell. A hint of fear flitted across his face as he gazed at the size of his cage.

“How long am I going to be here?” he asked, a quiver of fear entering his voice. “I need to go home, I have my kitties to look after.”

“I know not Bubbles,” Eowyn said softly. Her eyes grew sad at the fearful look that entered his own. “I am sorry.”

“I want to go home,” whispered Bubbles, blinking back tears.

“I wish to go home as well,” Eowyn replied.

‘I thought this was your home,” said Bubbles as he ate the chicken and carrots. Eowyn watched him for a second before speaking.

“This is not a home anymore, it is a cage.” Once Bubbles was done eating, Eowyn took the tray and turned to leave.

“Please stay,” Bubbles said, “I don’t like it down here.”  
Eowyn gave him a sad smile, she had never liked this part of the castle either, it was dark and scary when she was a child, now it was cold and void of cheer, rather like the rest of the country.

“I am sorry,” she whispered. “But I have my duties to my king that I must perform. I shall come back to visit on the morrow if I am able.” Bubbles nodded as she turned from the cell, and made her way towards her invalid Uncle.

******** 

Bubbles did not see Eowyn for the next three days. He was quite alone except for his cell guard. He tried speaking with the man, but it was like speaking to a brick wall.  
Did he have orders not to speak to him? Bubbles had no idea. He stared around the tiny cell, panic beginning to tighten his chest. He took deep breaths to calm himself down, but it wasn’t working all that well.  
He could feel the walls of his cell closing in around him, which did not help calm the panic rising inside him. Claustrophobia could fuck itself as far as Bubbles was concerned. Would he ever see Ricky and Julian again? The prospects were quite unlikely at this point. He would probley spend the rest of his fucking life in this cell.  
At this thought, he sprung towards the door, and tried to find a weak spot around it, but there was none to be found.  
He searched around the entire perimeter of the cell, but it was well built, designed to keep people in.  
He knew that screaming for help was useless, the guard would not let him out. He sunk onto the thin mattress which served as his bed. The neighing of horses and shouting of men outside in that strange language made him feel more lonely and frightened than ever.  
He curled up on the mattress, hoping that sleep would help him cope. He hadn’t slept well these past nights, it got quite cold at night.  
Sighing, he closed his eyes.

Bubbles jerked awake at the scraping of a key in the lock. The silent guard ushered Eowyn inside. His eyes filled with concern at the bruise that marred her right cheek.

“It is nothing to concern yourself with,’ she said before he could ask. “I came to see you like I promised I would.”

“When can I get out of here? I hate it, I don’t like closed spaces, I need out of here, I mean look, I’m shaking. I don’t work for anybody, I just want to go home.” Eowyn gazed at him in sympathy.

“I’m sorry Bubbles, but I can’t without the king’s leave.”

“When can you get that?” Bubbles asked.

“I know not, it might take awhile,” replied Eowyn. “Things are complicated at the moment.”

‘I can’t stay here for much longer, I’ll lose my fucking mind.” Bubbles looked at Eowyn.

“ I shall do my best, but I cannot promise anything,” Eowyn replied. Bubbles nodded, slumping against the wall.

“So you like cats?” Eowyn asked, sitting beside him.

“I love kitties, they are my family.” Eowyn smiled at him.

‘I understand, we feel the same about our horses, they are precious to us.”

“They are pretty horses,” Bubbles replied. “I can see them through the window.

“When I get you out of here, I shall introduce you to my horse,” said Eowyn.

“I thought you said it would take you a little while,” said Bubbles. He got to his feet to stretch his legs.

“Indeed it shall, but you shall be out, I give you my word.” She looked so serious at that moment he had to believe her.

“All right Eowyn, I believe you.” She got to her feet, and walked towards the cell door.

“I must take my leave Bubbles, my Uncle expects me, I shall see you when time allows.”

“Have a good evening,’ replied Bubbles, watching as she closed the cell door.  
He fell asleep that night with hopes of getting the fuck out of jail soon.

Bubbles was back in his shed, surrounded by purring kitties. He smiled as he played with them, rubbing their bellies and playing with cat toys while they tried to pounce.  
The smell of food had him opening his eyes. A tray of eggs and bacon sat by his elbow, while a real live kitty sat on his chest.

“Who are you little fella?” he cooed, gently stroking his head. The cat licked his face as he continued to purr.

“Lady Eowyn was generous enough to give you that cat,” the guard informed him. Bubbles was surprised. The guard normally pretended he did not exist.

“Well, tell her I said thanks,” Bubbles replied as he dug into the eggs and bacon. The guard nodded.

“You’re a fucking nice kitty, yes you are,” he said, stroking the kitty’s head and back as he meowed. “I will have to come up with a name for you little guy, it will take me a bit to think of one, but I promise you I will.” The calico gently licked his face and neck as he memorized his scent.  
His spirits lifted a bit, knowing he would not be alone anymore.

“As soon as we are out of here little fella, you will be a free range kitty.” The cat meowed while Bubbles ate his breakfast. I will have to do something nice for Eowyn, he thought, watching the cat explore the cell.


	3. "You can Take your Dope and Fuck Off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am seriously sorry for the very long delay, life and writer's block got in the way. I finally got through it, so here is the next chapter. I am writing the next now, and will post it soon

.

Ricky was not a happy man. They had been lost in the woods for two fucking days, and it was all Bubble's fault. If he had just gone on the dope raid like a good friend, they wouldn't be in this mess, but no, he had to be a fucking pussy about it and back out.  
Now they were stuck in these fucking woods, looking for him. Julian wasn't any help, all he did was bitch about his rum being gone.

"Julian, shut the fuck up about your fucking rum!" he yelled. Julian glared at him as a squirrel family chattered in the tree nearby.

"This is your fault as much as mine Ricky!" Julian yelled back. "You are the one who called him a pussy and made him fucking cry." Ricky gritted his teeth, trying to ignore the fucking squirrels.

"I was being honest, he was being a pussy, backing out of our dope raid, Cirus has fucked us up for the last fucking time!" Ricky bellowed. "That's it you fucking .squirrels, prepare to die you fuck's!" He aimed his gun at the tree and began to shoot, the shots echoing through the woods.

"Ricky, stop, you are going to run out of fucking bullets if you do shit like that," Julian said. "Stop wasting time and help me find Bubbles."  
Ricky scowled and stomped after him, gazing at the endless woods.  
They walked on for a couple of hours in silence, gazing at the endless trees around them. Julian stopped, gazed around, and spoke. 

"You know what Ricky, let's go back to the trailer park, maybe he went back."  
Ricky nodded, walking after him. He was ready for some dope and cigarettes. If he coudl get some pepperoni, that would be a fucking bonus.  
They walked through the woods some more, hopeful that Bubbles would be waiting for them at the trailer park.  
After another hour of this, Ricky was growing impatient. He wanted his dope, and the trailer park was not getting any closer.  
The sun began beating down on their necks, causing his shirt to stick to him.

"I need a fucking drink Julian, can we stop?"

"Yeah, we can stop, I need a drink myself, I think that there is a stream nearby, I can hear water."

"I want liquor, not fucking water,' Ricky snarled.

"Well Ricky, what the fuck can I do about that, I'm out of fucking rum," Julian snapped. "Water is all we have, so fucking deal with it."

"Oh fuck off!" Ricky yelled. "This coming from the guy wining about the lack of fucking rum!" He took a deep breath.  
"If I dont get dope soon, I'll fucking loose it." 

"Just get a drink so we can fucking go," Julian snapped, dipping his face in the water. Ricky sighed and did the same.  
Once they got their fill they moved on, neither of them noticing the gray clad figure on their trail.  
They walked for another three hours, the thought of seeing Bubbles again keeping them going.  
The only thing in sight was woods as far as the eye could see, but they were hopeful. The woods had to end at some point after all.

"We need to stop Ricky," said Julian. "The sun is setting and I am fucking exhausted."

"We should keep going," Ricky argued. "The trailer park shouldn't be far." Julian glared at his friend.

'Wake the fuck up Ricky," he growled. "There is not a fucking trailer! I don't know what the fuck is going on, but we are lost, and getting low on food. All we have is some cheese crackers and beef jerky." There was Kraft Dinner, but Julian wanted to save that for when they really needed it.

"Fine," Ricky replied. His head was pounding,and he was too tired to put up an argument.  
Sighing, he followed Julian to a nearby tree.

"You get some sleep Ricky, I will keep watch for bears and shit like that. Just think buddy, we'll be back in Sunnyvale by tomorrow."

"All right Julian, wake me up whenever you get sleepy."

Julian sighed, gazing at the endless line of trees. They seemed to go on for kilometres. A fox darted past as a figure appeared in the distance. He tensed, hand going to his gun.  
His hand relaxed when an old man appeared in front of him.

"May I join you and your friend for the night?" he asked. Julian stared at his strange hat and wooden stick. Was he cold in that robe type thing?

"Why do you want to join us? We are trying to get back to Sunnyvale." The man stared at him as he sat down.

"I believe that you are lost. I have been following your trail for the past day, wondering if you are spies for Sauruman," he said. What the fuck is he talkign about? Julian thought to himself. 'I can see by your face that you do not know who I am speaking of. I suggest that you and your friend join me in the morning. I can take you to a safe place. I do not know what Sunnycale is, but you are close to fangorn forrest."

"What the fuck are you talkign about?" Julian said, trying hard not to yell, fighting down his panic. "This is supposed to be Canada, not a fucking Fangorn, whatever the fuck that means." The man sighed, running a hand through his beard.

"I am afraid I do not know what this Canada is, you are more lost than you think. I am called Gandalf. We shall be meeting some friends of mine in three days, trouble is brewing, and we must make haste to stop it." Julian frowned in thought. It would be nice to have some guides to help them through this strange fucking place, but he did not want to be in a kidnaping situation.

"I am not goign to harm you and your companion," Gandalf said. "You shall be safer if you travel with us until you find your way back to your home." Julian nodded. 

"All right Gandalf, I am Julian. Ricky, my friend over there and I will go with you, we better not fucking regret it you hear me?" Gandalf nodded.

"Be at peace Master Julian, no harm shall come to you and Ricky." I'll believe it when I see it, Julian thought, scowliung at the man.  
He did not trust him, but what fucking choice did they have? If anything got fucky, they could steal his shit and be on their way. He blinked again at the exhaustion that crept over him. He did not want to fall asleep.  
He might be becoming as paranoyed as Lahey, but nobody would harm Ricky. Julian had his gun. What did the old man have? A fucking staff type thing. There was a sword as well, but he was skeptical that he knew how to use it, he and Ricky might have stumbled into some medieval actor nerd fest.  
Gandalf had said that he would not harm them, but Julian could see the mistrust in his gray eyes. He had bushie eyebrows , and the hat was straight out of some medieval story.  
He could be lieing however, Julian thought, gazing at the forrest around him. He might want to harm them at the right moment in time.  
He was second guessing wether going with him was a good idea, but they were lost, that was the point he kept going back to.  
Julian gazed into his empty rum glass, wishing it had some magical answer, but none came of fucking course. He had a strong urge to throw it against a tree, but he didn't want to break it, he might be able to refill it soon.  
He missed the clink of ice as it knocked against the sides of the glass as he sipped, it was music to his ears.  
He blinked once more, determened to stay awake. Anger at Bubbles rushed through him like a waterfall. If he hadn't been such a pussy and had gone with them, they would all be safe in Canada, together, but no, Bubbles had to chicken out. He had been doing this the past three dope rades they had been on.  
Was it some mid-life crisis? If so, Bubbles would need to snap out of it, and fast. Julian and Ricky were getting tired of his shit. A small part of him knew that he was being an asshole, but he didn't give a fuck. Retirement was so fucking close, and Bubbles had to fucking fuck it up by getting lost.

"Well fuck you Bubbles, see if I help you with your dream of being a fucking rock star," Julian whispered. He kicked at a rock, wincing at the pain in his foot.  
Ricky stirred at the noise. Julian froze, cursing his bout of anger. Ricky could be an ass if he was woke up suddenly, Julian was relieved that he rolled over, muttering something about Pepperoni and Lucy.  
Julian's eyes grew heavy with sleep. He knew that they would have to wake up early to continue, so he decided to give in. If the old man harmed either of them in the middle of the night, he would regret it.  
Julian placed his hand on his gun as he fell asleep.

********

Ricky woke to find one of the oldest dudes he had ever seen gazing at him in annoyance. Ricky's irritation rose. Who the fuck was this dude, and who was he to think he was so high and mighty? He scowled as he got up to take a piss.

"Who the fuck is this Julian?" he growled as he returned.

"Some dude named Gandalf," Julian replied, ignoring Ricky's irritation. "He said he would help us."

"Why in the fuck would anybody name their kid Gandalf?" Ricky asked. "Pretty stupid fucking name I think." Gandalf's glare intensified.

"Shut the fuck up Ricky, he's our only ticket out of this shitty forrest," Julian snarled as Ricky scrambled to pack their stuff. "Don't you dare forget Bubble's guitar, he will loose it if that goes missing."

"I got the fucking guitar Julian, leave me the fuck alone, fuck!" Ricky yelled, nearing the end of his patience from the lack of dope and alcohol.  
A squerelle in a nearby tree caused him to snap.

"That's it you furry cock sucker!" Ricky bellowed, shooting the creature in two shots. "Die you son of a whore, you cock sucking bastard!"

"Be silent," Gandalf snapped. "Less you wish for all the orcs of Sauruman to fall on our heads."

"Fuck off Gandalf," Ricky snapped back, ignoring Julian's pull on his shirt. "Acting all high and mighty."

"I was merely following the councel of your friend, he wished for you to sleep for five more minutes, which are gone. We must make haste," Gandalf replied, eyebrows brissling in his anger. "Or I shall leave you and your friend behind."

"Don't be a dick and leave us here," said Ricky, putting the strap of Bubble's guitar over his shoulder. "Excuse me for getting my friend's guitar, who is fucking lost by the way."

"Hold your tongue and follow me if you will," Gandalf said, giving Ricky a final glare.

"Have you lost your mind Ricky?" Julian hissed, keeping up with Gandalf's quick stride. "You can't fuck with this man, or he just might fuck us up in return." Ricky glared at Julian as he huffed along behind them.

"I need dope Julian, my thinks and thoughts aren't talking to me. I'll be nice if he will." Julian nodded, patting his pockets. His secret stash of dope was there, Ricky didn't need to know, or he would want it for himself, and that wouldn't do, then Julian would have less, and he didn't want that, so he would have to keep it as secret as he could. Ricky began complaining about his sore and tired feet at around noon.  
Julian tried to ignore it, but he wouldn't shut up.

"I'm sore and tired too Ricky, but do you see me bitching? Fuck no. The sooner we leave this forrest, the sooner we can reach Sunnyvale."

"I can complain if I fucking want to Julian, what are you? The Don't complain police guy?" Gandalf looked like he had a headache, Julian rolled his eyes at Ricky's dramatics.  
It was nothing but trees as far as the eye could see. Julian was beginning to think that Gandalf was fucking with them, there was no sign of any other people except for themselves.  
Ricky seemed to be growing more pissed off by the second, his boots crunched through the grass as he swore in increasing volume, his feet getting caught on tree roots and branches in the path.  
Julian wished he would shut the fuck up, he was afraid that bears or wolves would go after them. Did wolves hunt during the day? He wasn't sure, but he didn't want to stick around and find out.

"Ricky, shut the fuck up," he hissed, not liking the increasing ire of the old man who was their guide.

"No, I won't shut the fuck up Julian, I need dope, right now, and pepperoni. I want to get drunk and high as fuck tonight, if I don't, I'll loose my fucking mind. that's it you fucking squirrel!" Julian snatched the gun from Ricky's hand before he could shoot.

"Are you out of your fucking mind Ricky? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"My thinks and thoughts and brain departments aren't working without my dope, chill down, don't make a mole hill out of a fucking mountain." Julian sighed. He wasn't bgoing to bother pointing out the correct saying of that particular phrase.

"I'm out of rum, but you don't see me complaining do you?" Julian hissed, shoving Ricky who shoved back, raising his fist.

"Don't fucking start with me Julian, I'm not in the mood," he growled.

"Do you think I'm in the mood for your shit Ricky?" Julian nearly yelled.

"Silence!" Gandalf boomed. "Your foolish bickering shall get us discovered by orcs, I shall leave you behind if this arguing does not end." He looked so forbidding at that moment, that even Ricky saw his error, backing down with a muttered appology, which Julian reluctantly returned. Ricky was itching to fight still, Julian could see it in his eyes. He hoped Ricky wouldn't fuck things up for them.

Gandalf lead them to a river for their lunch. Julian and Ricky ate the last bits of beef jerky, both of them hoping they wouldn't regret the action later.  
They hoped that whereever Bubbles was, he was all right, they hoped like hell that he wasn't hurt, trapped in some other forrest without food or water. Ricky passed his guitar to Julian, he was tired of carrying the thing.  
Randy and Sarah were looking after The Pur Monster along with the other cats, so there was no worrys about that for the time being. Julian flashed Ricky an annoyed look, but excepted the instrument. Gandalf motioned them to follow as he lead them deeper into the trees. Who were his friends? Julian had no idea, he bet that the man had made them up to make them come along, there was nobody in sight but the three of them and a bunch of animals. A pair of foxes darted past, on the hunt for food no doubt.  
A tiny part of him hoped that they would have to crawl back into their fucking dins empty handed, see how they liked being lost and hungry in the middle of fucking no where.

"All right Gandalf you dick weed, I want some fucking food and fucking dope, and I want it now!" Ricky yelled before turning on Julian. "Nice job fuck face, why did you think it was a good idea to hook up with this dick head? We are more lost now."

"We had no fucking choice Ricky," Julian yelled back, at the end of his rope with the hole thing. "We are lost, and we need fucking help out of this fucking forrest." Ricky shoved Julian.

"Oh yeah, does it look like he has taken us to the end?" Julian shoved back.

"It will be soon so fuck off, unless you have a brilliant plan of your own."

"I do have a brilliant plan, I want to get drunk and high as fuck tonight." Julian glared at Ricky. Of fucking course he did, he thought, didn't he always? He wished that Ricky would smarten up, but that was unlikely to happen anytime soon. Where was Bubbles?

"I told you, I don't have any dope or alcohol." Ricky looked skeptical while Gandalf looked furious.

"What did I just tell you?" he asked, glaring at them. "I shall leave you in this forrest, do not test me, it shall be unwise to do so."

"Listen here Gandalf you dick weed, if that is your fucking name," Ricky yelled. Julian sighed. He had allready said that. "A rather fucked up name if you ask me, you have fucked up parents, we don't need your so called help, so fuck off, we are still in the forrest, we want out of the forrest so we can go home and get drunk and high as fuck!" Ricky walked up to the old man, but Julian pushed him back.

"Put that fucking gun away Ricky," Julian snarled. "Do you want to go to jail?"

"I wouldn't mind going to jail," Ricky replied, tightening his hold on his gun. "It would be better than walking through this fucking forrest with all these fucking cock sucking squirrels, shut up!" he shot a pair of squirrels in the tree in front of him.

"Give me the gun Ricky, your out of control," Julian growled. "I have had enough of your shit, your going to run out of bullets very soon.", 

"Fuck off Julian, you have your own gun," said Ricky.

"We shall make camp here this night," Gandalf said. "If you do not remain silent, I shall leave you. I have more important things to do than dealing with you people. I suggest you use your brain Ricky, listen to your friend and hold your tongue."

"Did you just call me stupid you old fuck?" Ricky snarled, leaping at Gandalf. Julian stared as Ricky seemed to freeze. He watched as he tried to take a step, but he remained stuck, like he was glued to the forrest floor.

"This is bullshit, why can't I fucking move? The lack of dope is fucking up my brain compartments and departments."

"There is not a thing wrong with your brain," Gandalf replied. "You shall remain as you are until you hold your tongue."

"Don't tell me what to do you fucked up freak."

'Let him go right now," Julian growled, stepping towards Gandalf. "If you fuck with Ricky, you get burned."

"Do you wish to be like your friend?" Gandalf asked. "If not, I suggest you be silent. He shall remain in this state until morning, it shall teach him to be silent I deam."

"No it won't Gandalf, I don't know who the fuck you are, or what is goign on, but your being a dick, you can't just put some mind control thing on my friend. We don't need a guide who can fuck with people's minds, release him, and go back where you came from," Julian said, glowering at Gandalf.

"I am afraid that we are stuck with one another for the time being, it is but a day more of travel until we reach the end, then we shall part ways, I have friends of my own I am in search of, and time is of the essence," said Gandalf.

"Look at you and your fancy book learning words," Ricky snarled. Gandalf sighed.

"I meant that I must make haste and find my friends," said Gandalf.

"Fine, you lead us through these woods, and we can leave you alone," Julian replied. "Just let Ricky go."

"I cannot do that," Gandalf said. "We cannot afford him acting foolish, this shall be a lesson for him as I said." Julian shook his head. Ricky was only able to deal with one thing at a time, he looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown with the lack of dope and alcohol. He hoped that Ricky wouldn't do anything stupid.  
Julian wouldn't blame him if he did, having your mind fucked up would make anyone snap. He wasn't looking forward to the fall out if it happened.

"Stop fucking with my mind you fucking… Fuck my thinks and thoughts are fucked! What if they remain fucked." Ricky was truely looking scared now.

"I can't deal with this horse shit Julian, not tonight, I just need one joint to refuckulate my thinks and thoughts man, come on, give over." Julian shook his head. He felt horrible for Ricky in his current situation, but he needed to keep his stash safe. 

"No Ricky, it's just for one night, you'll be fine, just tryand relax buddy," he said.

"Fuck you then Julian, you and your dope!" Ricky yelled. "I don't need it or you, you selfish cock sucking jack ass.  
You can take your dope and fuck off!"


End file.
